I can't seem to get my ass in gear. :(

It's already June 1st.
This half-year has been a mask-wearing blur.😷

I have so many ideas in my head. So many goals I'm working towards. I sit at work and plan things, literally looking forward to my weekend, and then I get home ... and crash & burn.😴

I'm so tired. Exhausted. The veterinary field is no joke and we're so over-worked and under-staffed. I love my job but fuck.
I had a Brittany-moment and cut all my hair off last month. ✂ It should give you an indication of the level of stress I was at. They say a woman will always cut her hair when things are bad. I think our hair is symbolically the only thing we can control. I went full pixie. -_- smh. I have thick curly hair and now it's growing out. I truly didn't think that one thru.

Here goes another week (another month) that I haven't been able to start my online store. Yeah, I could do it, but I don't want to do it half-assed. It's not going to be great because I'm just getting started but it at least has to be really good, you know?

I procrastinate too much.

I need to make lists and stick to them. ☑ 

I need to spring clean my apartment after being locked up all winter. I have asthma, I really want to hire a cleaning service. I can, but then I feel I have to clean before they show up. Does anyone else go thru this? They're going to judge me if I'm messy either way. Do I care? No. And yes. Just take my money and clean my place so I can focus on other stuff, please.

I want to cry. 😔 I've had a headache the past 4 days and I keep grinding my teeth from (work-related) stress but I'm really in a good place otherwise. Better than I've been in 10 years, thank all my various gods and knock on wood!
I sleep well at night next to my ever-supportive boyfriend. 😍 I can buy, eat, and go wherever we want. But I sit here and vegetate on my days off. THIS is the rut I need to get out of. I see pictures from a year ago and I wasn't always like this but I don't know where to begin ... I think that's why I want to cry.

I hope spilling this will help, if not me then maybe someone else.

😢 Here come the tears, maybe this will help my headache.

Adulting is hard.

I had my mid-year review at work yesterday. It went well. Better than I expected anyway.

I woke up early to re-read thru an email my cousin sent me with some business information and I have the attention span of a guppy. You know the Charlie Brown cartoons when the adult is speaking but all you hear is "wah wah wahwah wah". It's like that. I have to get this done but I want someone to hold my hald thru the whole process to make sure I don't mess up.
There it is!
I'm afraid of messing up.
I can't mess up if I never start. I REALLY want this. I have to get my ass in gear.

Time to pull up my big girl panties.
Well ... first I'm going to take a nap before work THEN I'm going to tackle this business thing.

It's been forever ...

This virus is no picnic. :( I'm back though. I've been crafting so expect to see more of that.

Pandemic

Yes ... I know I haven't posted since we last went to California.
Nothing like a pandemic to bring your life to a boring, grinding halt. 🛑
Let's see:

In January we have the start of the Coronavirus epidemic that came over from Wuhan, China. Thanks for that. 🙄😑

In February we lose Kobe Bryant and his daughter in a freak helicopter crash, and the virus picks up speed claiming more lives. Schools are closed down. 🚸 Good luck trying to find toilet paper and/or bottled water.

In March, something we've never experienced in our lives, the world is placed under a modified house arrest. Social distancing comes into play: stay 6' away from people 👈1️⃣-2️⃣-3️⃣-4️⃣-5️⃣-6️⃣👉. (That's gonna make showering with my boyfriend real difficult, just sayin'.) Non-essential businesses world-wide are closed down. 🔐 $1,200 stimulus checks 💵 are given to people ... and instead of paying rent some people are out buying TV's. 🤔 (Yeahhhhhh, silently judging. 🤦🏽‍♀️)

💦🌸 April showers brings May flowers, unless you're living through a pandemic in which case April brings more self-quarantining. Aprill seems reeeaaallllllyy loooooong. (sigh)

May gave us "Murder Hornets"🐝 ... because things weren't already exciting enough, and thankfully businesses start to reopen. Then George Floyd gets killed by a cop in Minesota and all hell breaks loose. Protests and rioting ensue every night in various cities coast to coast. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
#BLM

And now we're in June ...
I love my job ... and I'm thankful I have one ... but I'm really tired of being essential. :( I'm just tired. 😴

Long overdue

Last Thursday, the 5th, was my boyfriend's birthday. I changed my days off so I could be with him.🖕

We drove to California to pick up the car of his dreams. A Crown Victoria.

I had to drive back from Menifee, CA ... alone. In the dark. Following his tail lights. We drove a rental out there and I thought we could turn the rental in and drive back together but, did you know, driving it one way doubles the rental price. It makes no sense. It even had California plates, I was (technically) doing them a favor by returning it to place of origin ... but, no. So I drove 5 hours, first time, from California, or anywhere for that matter, all by myself. Most of the way bored out of my mind because I didn't take my iPod along. And, what a time to find out that my eyes get worse when there are no street lights.
-_- Worse.

First time I didn't take pictures on the way back.

I need to travel some more.

I've also been to Puerto Rico and Canada.

Create Your Own Visited States Map

My birds won't chirp for you.

Hyena posse ran into my boyfriend and told him "we heard your birds chirping!" :D

Listen here, bitches.
Our birds chirp when we're home, when we're watching tv, when I walk near the watering can. They DON'T chirp when the sun comes up because I have black-out drapes, but they chirp when they hear me get out of bed 'cause they "know" they're gonna see me. They chirp when I put my key in the door. I know because I've stood outside my door to listen for my dogs and I've never heard the birds. Did I mention it's dark from the black-out drapes? They DON'T chirp at my boyfriend because they know he's not going to feed them. And they sure as hell don't chirp in a dark apartment when no one is home.

Right now I am sitting at my computer, out of sight, and there is no chirping going on ... so wtf are you talking about??

When they run into me, I get comments like "oh! You still live here??"
I will slash a tire on your hybrid and then skip AND CHIRP my ass back home.

Keep playing.